Category: Self Help

Spend less time with family for better relationships

Quality over quantity. We have all heard that before. But what does that really mean?

Of course, the literal meaning of it is that focus on quality time instead of just spending time “together” with loved ones. And that I agree with.

But I would go a step further and say that try to not spend All of the time together with close family and friends. Time apart and space is necessary for the bonds to become stronger and the quality of your interactions will be at a much higher level when you do come together after being apart for a while.

“Even lovers need a holiday, far away from each other“
https://youtu.be/liG0mxlZao0?si=YJk7X9WwlSHr3532

You always get what you need when you need it

This title is a quote by Bob Proctor. Very insightful.

The way I think about it is when something becomes a need, you will always find a way to fulfill that need whatever that might be.

But only if it’s an actual need.

On the other hand, if you really want something, you may or may not get your wish fulfilled no matter how badly you want it.

So what do you do when you really really want something?
You move it from the category of want to need. You convince yourself of the need.
Then let the universe take over and guide you with every action you take from there onwards.

Use the conscious mind to program the unconscious

When you’re driving your car, are you driving with your conscious mind or unconscious?

If you have been driving for a few years, chances are extremely high that you are driving using your unconscious mind. Sometimes you can’t even remember the drive because you’re having a conversation, listening to a podcast or music or just thinking about the destination and what you’re going to do when you get there.

It’s automatic.

It’s only automatic because when you were learning to drive in your first few months or years of driving, you used your conscious mind to program the unconscious mind.

Same thing we do when we start walking, talking, playing a sport, an instrument, etc.

All of this is the conscious mind programming the unconscious mind to make the activity seem automatic.

There’s a reason I’m diving into this. Bear with me.

All of the stuff that I described above happens because of necessity or interest. We get good at walking, talking, and driving because that’s the right of passage for most of us.

When it comes to sports and playing musical instruments, some of us can really good at it because of our intense interest.

Then there are other things which we never get great at because we don’t have that survival instinct or extreme intense interest. They are just a ‘good to have’.

But what if we converted one of those things from the ‘good to have’ column to ‘extreme intense interest’ or even the ‘survival’ column where your life depended on it? Would we get extremely good at that specific thing over time? Absolutely!

Some of the examples I’ve already given above – like playing a musical instrument or a sport. Many athletes and musicians will tell you that it is due to their many years of hard work that got them the success you see them achieving.

Same thing with business folks who develop an extreme interest for something specific and dive so deeply into it that it feels like survival to them. That they have to do it and they don’t have a choice.
Those are the really really successful business folks you see around the world.

All of these folks are pushing a snowball up the mountain until they get to a point where it starts rolling automatically and becoming bigger and bigger without as much effort.

That is what using the conscious mind to program the unconscious mind is all about.

So what is that one thing for you that you want to program your unconscious mind for? Decide on it and then just move it to the appropriate column. Then see the magic happen.

Connect with the right frequency

Could you imagine if you were simultaneously able to hear the sounds of All the radio frequencies around you without having to tune into them? You would go crazy.

Thankfully, you only hear the sounds of the radio station when you tune into that frequency with which the station is broadcasting.

Just like radio station audio frequencies, the emotional frequencies of happiness, anxiety, loss, ecstasy, etc exist all around us. It’s up to us which frequency we tune into and which one we ignore.

The challenge for us humans is that tuning into one of these frequencies is not as easy as turning a dial on a radio. It usually takes an event that automatically gets us tuned to a specific emotional frequency. And most of the times, it’s difficult to turn the dial and get away from that frequency if it’s not a pleasant one.

That’s where Focus comes in. Sharpening our mind to focus on a specific emotional frequency takes practice. Lots and lots of practice. But it’s definitely possible.

Many of us are either not aware of this possibility or don’t want to spend the effort it will take to get there.

Those of us that do spend the time and effort to tune our mind and our heart in the direction that is favorable to us, definitely see the benefit. Always.

Are you an imposter?

Imposter syndrome is real. Many people go through this phase of feeling like an imposter especially if they are put in a position or have reached a status which they don’t feel they deserve.

I went through this feeling in 2005 when I was asked to teach a software class after having learned the material just a couple of months ago myself and having been using this product (Microsoft SharePoint) for only a couple of years before that.

The master trainer for this class was a guy named Jeff Cate. I was the secondary trainer and not very confident in my capabilities as a trainer. Jeff asked me to introduce myself to the class before we begin.

I said something to the effect of:

“Hi, my name is Asif Rehmani. This is the first time I’m teaching this class. I don’t know that much about SharePoint but I’ll do the best I can.”

And then we started the class.

During the first break we had for the class, Jeff pulled me aside and gave me some advice on the introduction I had given.

I can’t remember his exact words since it was so long ago but they went something like this:

“Do you think you know more about this topic then these people in the class? And if yes, and I know you do because that’s why I invited you to teach this class, why would you not want the students in the class to have confidence in you? The introduction you gave did not instill confidence in your capabilities. I think you should think about that next time you give an introduction.”

That lesson has stuck with me through time.

I have taught literally hundreds of classes since that day to hundreds of thousands of students through in-person or virtual single day, multi-day classes, webinars and presentations at conferences.

Every time I doubt my capabilities as a trainer/educator and feel like an imposter, I remind myself that I don’t have to be a genius, and an all knowing person in the subject that I’m talking about.

I just need to have the right intentions to be able to impart at least some knowledge that the receiver did not have before. If they benefit from having listened to what I’m teaching, I’ve done my job. That’s it.

That simple fact has helped me throughout decades now.

My advice to anyone feeling like an impostor is to dig deep inside and ask yourself:

Are you adding value to your audience?

If you are, then you are not an imposter. It’s as simple as that.

Don’t get used to losing

In life, you will have many disappointments. That’s just a fact. But please don’t get used to losing. While winning every external battle is not up to you, winning the internal ones is.

Once you get used to losing, you start blaming yourself for everything.

I’m not good enough.

I deserve this.

I knew this was going to happen.

 

None of these thoughts are productive and none of them will help you nor will they help anyone else.

So while you will experience losses in work and life, don’t get used to them. Always know, your biggest wins are ahead of you. Your job is to believe in yourself and not give up.

Happiness before success

It’s a common assumption for most of us that we will be happy once we achieve success – financial or otherwise.

Even though this sounds logical, this is a myth.

Success is the result of happiness, happiness is not the result of success.

Being happy and joyful is in our hands today, right now, regardless of the forces that are acting upon us and around us externally. Our own body and mind is a closed system that we have the ability to control.

Let’s take the first step to achieve contentment, happiness and satisfaction. Not by allowing other people or other things around us to create that effect but intentionally creating it ourselves. By being happy, you will create happiness around you. And then success will follow.

The meaning of Life

The big question: what is the meaning of life?

The answer: 42 of course ☺️

Of course the reality is that nobody knows and everybody is guessing. Let me tell you my guess FWIW.

When humanity was living in caves and worried about sustenance including food, water and shelter, I doubt if anybody cared about the answer to what the heck am I here on this Earth for? It was all about survival. Just like we see all animals doing aside from humans – arguably the most intelligent animal.

But then we kept on evolving, had our basic necessities taken cared for and then had a lot of extra brain power to think about things like: what is the meaning of life?

When we think about us in the grand scheme of things as far as we know, even our whole planet is like a speck of dust on a vast beach filled with sand. And each of us is a speck of dust within that speck 😊.

On top of that, each of us will relatively live around 100 years old – more or less. And then we’re gone. Once enough generations go by, each of us will be forgotten.

Sorry to be so gloomy but these are just facts that we need to contend with.

We are too small. Each of us sometimes feel like we are the center of the universe, but we are not. We are nothing in the grand scheme of things. Many have come before us and many will come after. The sooner we make peace with this face, the better IMHO.

So what should each one of us do? I mean we have a very brief existence on this planet, and we were put here by someone or something and we just came to be. So what the heck should each of us do while we are here? That’s the main question right?

Here’s my answer:

Our part is to live the best life we can while having positive impact on ourselves and the people and things around us.

That’s it. Nothing else to it. It’s not complicated. It feels like it should be more than that, but my humble belief is that it’s not. It’s that simple. If we just do that, the universe takes care of the rest.

Quit discounting yourself

We all have dreams and wishes, but often they’re not big enough. We continue to discount the possibilities of what is possible and what is not.

Quit discounting yourself.

Realize that you’re Not in charge. And the one who is, does not have the same boundaries that you do.

Forget about the possibilities that seem the right fit for your skill set and your current state. Thinking about it like that will just hold you back.

Think about possibilities beyond measure. What do you really want to do with your life? Got that picture clear in your mind? Probably not the first time you think about it… No worries. Keep thinking and clarify your vision.

Then from now on all of your actions will automatically start working towards that vision. All you gotta do is focus, work hard and believe that the universe will provide.